• Brother: I wonder what Satan looks like..
  • Me: Well, first off his name is Lucifer and he's a fallen angel. According to the bible he was suppose to be super gorgeous.
  • Brother: Really?
  • Me: Yeah. I guess you could say he was....
  • Brother:
  • Me:
  • Brother: ???
  • Me: ... fine as hell.

keepongaming:

last year i was eating in a fancy, large restaurant when i began to hear a rumble and the distant sound of people chanting ‘potassium, potassium’ and suddenly hundreds of people dressed as bananas flood this restaurant chanting potassium over and over and we were trapped there for a very long time because the bananas would not leave and they were everywhere

image
imagei wasn’t joking


silohouettes:

Dear future son/daughter

I know that I may not be the best parent, but swear on my mother fucking life that I will never leave you at the supermarket checkouts alone because I know that shit is terrifying and I’m not a fucking monster